Chuck Norris Linux
A Linux designed by Chuck Norris would require no backups, as it would be too scared of Chuck to fail.
If Chuck Norris wrote Linux, the kernel would always panic.
If Chuck Norris wrote Linux it would be called Chux and you would need to literally boot it.
Actually…. if Chuck Norris wrote Linux, you couldn’t boot it, it would boot you.
Chux doesn’t have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.
Chux need no antivirus… viruses need anti-Chux.
Chuck Norris plays 3D games in his head by interpreting the source code in real-time.
Chux does not connect to servers. Servers beg permission to connect to Chux.
Chuck Norris binary: all 1′s
Web pages on a Chux server are handled perfectly by IE6. No one dares question why.
With Chux, “sudo” is assumed.
Chux cronjobs run whenever they decide to run!
Regardless of size, ALL computers running Chux are Supercomputers
Chuck Norris put the “ch” in “chmod” to remind us that he owns everything.
When Chuck Norris types ’sudo’ he automatically becomes superuser for every Linux server in existence.
#! is the last thing you remember hearing after booting up Chux, because of the Round House Kick start bootloader.
Chux can divide by zero.
Chux needs no browser because it holds the entire contents of the Internet in memory at all times.
There is no server version of Chux. Chuck serves no one.
If Chuck wrote Linux, developers would not be able to write bugs, bugs would be too scared to exist on chux.
Why Linux doesn’t have any viruses? Because Chuck Norris uses it!
CPUs run faster to get away from Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn’t even in a bowling alley.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Once, a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie, on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris speaks braille.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Chuck Norris?” It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris’ PC will crash.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
In 1991, Chuck Norris shot a 14 on an 18 hole golf course, falling short of his personal best by 2 strokes.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you.
If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.